#100DaysOfPeeve : Day 1
Please forgive the dodgy spacing, WordPress has had a hissy fit and I can’t space out the first couple of paragraphs. Grrr… It fixes itself about half way through the blog. Sorry!
I’ve seen quite a few blog posts with themes such as ‘Reasons To Be Cheerful’ and ‘100 days of Happiness’ and ‘Looking on the Bright Side’. I wish I could do something along those lines, but I don’t think my temperament will let me. With this in mind, I’ve come up with ‘100 Days of Being Slightly Peeved about Something’, otherwise known as #100DaysOfPeeve. Eg. ‘Day 1 The house smells of tripe’ : ‘Day 2 ‘The dog’s eaten my rose-bush’ : Day 3 ‘Child number 1 has dropped a quid down the loo and expects me to fish it out’. Something like that.
Anyone can contribute, feel free to post on my #100DaysofPeeve FB status, tweet me @Chaoskay, or comment on these blog posts and I’ll include them in the next blog. Just one sentence about your day that is a pet peeve, something that drives you nuts for example. Send me pics (just one with each peeve) if you like and I’ll include names unless you specify you’d rather I didn’t. Only one peeve per person. I will try to help you with your peeves in the best way I can. It will get things out of your system and I can make helpful suggestions (ish….) I’ll keep this up as long as I can, depending on how well this takes off.
Yesterday Emma Chester told me ‘Smiling schoolground assassins get my goat today!’
I’m presuming you mean Ninjas, Emma? Ninja assassins, especially of the turtle variety should not be allowed in the playground and I think you should speak to the headmaster to get them banned. Another word of advice, do not take goats to school, they don’t like it and don’t learn very much while they’re in class. Totally pointless exercise.
Ruthy Kitchen came up with a rather confusing status that I had to think hard about:
‘Next day delivery didnt arrive next day last week and still hasnt!!!’
Frankly I’m baffled. Unless you think postmen can time travel I think it’s unreasonable for you to expect them to travel back in time and deliver your post just under a week ago. And how could you pick it up anyway? Do you have a tardis? Is your name Dr Who?
Melli Peakman sent me a picture and said: ‘My soft, clean, fluffy puppy has just dug several holes in the garden and rolled in the diggings…’
Let me just state something that is blatantly obvious to me, even if it isn’t to you Melli. This is not a pup. This is a very cute and adorable teddy bear. Teddy bears do not dig holes in gardens or roll around, it’s just not the done thing. I suggest you take it to a tea party in the woods for a picnic and pretend to feed it jam sandwiches rather than pose it beside holes in your garden and cover it with soil. Just a thought.
Tabi Farrow grumpily said “I have builders next door and they have been cutting tiles since 7.25 am”. This problem is very easily solved. Take the tiles off them! Simples. Give them some crayons and a wad of plain paper instead. It’ll keep them occupied for hours. Problemo solved!
Joanne Homer was mightily sick of coldsores yesterday: ‘My #100daysofPeeve contribution for today is coldsores! Could feel them breaking out but could do nothing to stop them!’
Joanne, most people try to avoid coldsores, they don’t keep them as pets and cosset the things! Let them break out and run free. Give them the keys to whatever weird and wonderful jail you have set up for them. You don’t want them anyway do you?
Tim Bain has issues with ‘Farting Cats’.
This is also very easily solved. Tim, all you have to do is pin your cats down and get them to wear these:
These are a genuine product apparently. The smell of dead fish and half digested cat biscuits will be soaked up by the special pad at the back of the pants. It’s only one step on from force feeding your cats worming tablets, it’s for their own good and will save you from having burnt nostril hairs from the stench. Put farty pants on your cats. Easy!
Sarah Lemon has a peeve which she is very annoyed about: “My phone is buggered. T mobile won’t reactivate my old SIM in my old phone, so I’m phoneless till its fixed, and that’s not ideal when you’ve got wandering teenagers”
Now then, this is a serious legal matter and I think you should listen carefully to me. No one, absolutely no-one, should EVER bugger a phone. It’s not nice. Whoever is doing this to your phone should be stopped from doing this and you should report it to the police. It’s no wonder T mobile won’t reactivate your old SIM. You’re obviously not caring for it appropriately. As for the wandering teenagers, put them on extending dog leads and tie them to a big stick in your garden.
Lucy Zealowski is peeved, she told me “I came home to to shredded boxes and tissues! Darn you poochie.”
This involved a bit of research. Before Lucy’s comment, I had never heard of a ‘Poochie’ so I really had no clue as to why one of them was shredding her boxes and tissues. A quick trawl of google educated me. For those of you who are as baffled as I was, it’s one of these:
This is a ‘Poochie’.
An actual ‘Poochie’.
From what I can tell from the first picture, Poochies usually just draw pretty pics of flowers and wear aprons. Yours has obviously gone feral if it’s ripping up boxes and tissues and vandalising your home. I’d contact pest control if I were you.
Jo Bryan is peeved, she says ‘Jam tarts mock me.’
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but jam tarts just mock me.
Misbehaving jam tarts is a big issue, I have similar problems with cakes. They sit on the side and blow raspberries at me, which is rude and unnecessary. I deal with this by making pies instead. They are far more polite and you can have a sensible conversation with them, if you can speak ‘pie’ that is. Honestly Jo, just ignore them, they’re just teasing you – horrible cheeky things. If it carries on, just go and tell a teacher.
Amy O’ Brien is very annoyed. “Moving house taking my whole weekend and it still not being finished!!”
Is the weekend not finished? Because as far as I can tell, it is a Tuesday today so the weekend is actually over. Check your diary! If your house is moving, do you think you might actually have a caravan there and not a house? As for the moving house taking your weekend, how is that possible? Houses and caravans do not steal weekends, it’s not physically possible as far as I am aware anyway.
Sharon Curran had a proper pet peeve of the day: ‘Playing washing roulette with the black rain clouds. Peg it out as the sun was blazing, get it all in as it went as black as the ace of spades and now the sun is back out I’ve pegged it all out again. What’s the betting I’ll be going and getting it all in again in 10 minutes?’
I can’t quite work out how you’ve managed to organise a game of roulette with your washing, let alone with a pack of black rain clouds? Usually people use money or at the very least little counter things, most people would laugh at you if you said: ‘I’ll raise you a pair of soggy socks!’ or ‘I’ll bet this pair of sopping wet jeans, they’re worth a fortune!’. I can’t help you with this pet peeve. The only advice I can offer is to stop gambling with rain clouds, I don’t think they play fair.
Helen Birtwistle says her peeve is that there’s no toilet roll fairy. “I fill up the loo roll them a few days later sit down and poooof! It’s all gone. I then have to hobble to the stash off loo roll in my 10 yr old bedroom so avoiding Lego, teddy sand homework. Not fair!”
Firstly most people ‘Poo’, they don’t ‘Poooof!’ From what I can gather you Poooofed instead. This sounds incredibly smelly and I’m not surprised you can’t get any fairies to work for you. I wouldn’t like to frequent a poooofy bathroom and you can’t expect a fairy to either.
Jo Haigh tweeted: “When you can’t find a single bowl or plate to put your breakfast or lunch on…they’re ALL in daughters room.”
This peeve is easily remedied. Get your daughter to sleep in the kitchen and move your cooker, cupboards and kitchen paraphenalia up to her bedroom. She can chase the slugs out of your kitchen at 3am when they start roaming your floor, and you can cook and serve meals on plates whenever you like. Win, win.
Jane claims her peeve is: “whichever shoe I offer up, my child gives me the other foot.”
Jane, try offering wellies instead, really massive green ones with mud all over them, every time you need to go out. This will baffle and annoy them until they just give up and go and put their own shoes on. Saves you a job!
So there you go! Pet Peeves all solved. Hope that helped a little. :O)