Fight or Flight.
A quick blog post and a declaration of intent. I have my date for the ‘Open Haemmaroidectomy’ so my troubles should be over soon. It’s on the 28th March and it can’t come round soon enough! Anyone who knows me can vouch for how much I’ve gone through over the last two years with my Ulcerative Colitis and then with this final complication. This is the last hurdle, after this I hope to stay in remission and get back to being Kayish instead of being sluggish, fed up and in painish.
It’s not like it’s Cancer or anything , but this operation is the scariest thing I think I’ve ever faced on a physical level. The surgeon told me that I’m in for ’6 – 8 weeks of hell’ and that it is a ‘very unpleasant operation’, but that it’s worth it. Horace is taking two weeks off work to look after me, one week’s holiday pay and the other one will be compassionate leave so we only have the one week without a wage.
This surgery is the most painful way of dealing with this, as opposed to stapling which isn’t meant to be so bad – but it’s meant to be the most effective. Since finding out the surgery date yesterday I’ve had the words ‘Terrifying’ ‘Painful’ ‘Traumatising’ ‘Debiliatating’ and other lots of long scary phases running around in my head. This will get me nowhere.
I’m going to work very hard at ignoring the whole situation. Worrying will not help. Must keep busy, not think too much and use language in my head that doesn’t escalate the terror: word combinations such as ‘Worth it,’ ‘Last hurdle’ ‘Light at the end of the tunnel,’ ‘Hopeful,’ and ‘Bring it on!’ There’s a flight or flight thing kicking in here, and I intend to cultivate the fight option. I’ll kick this stupid disease’s ass and I WILL make a full recovery.
If you think I’m making a fuss over nothing, please feel free to read THIS which is what I’ve been going through on a daily basis. I cannot wait to be free of this horribleness. I just have to get through the op and I can have my life back! :O)